You can develop a superpower today

Why self-reflection is one of the most powerful tools for growth

I recently said to someone that one of my superpowers is my ability to self-reflect. Talking about my skillset as a superpower makes it a bit more fun and opens space for others to share their skillsets. Us Kiwis would benefit from some unabashed horn tooting!

I describe self-reflection as a superpower because I see people with a lack of self-reflection ability or a scattered approach end up on slippery slopes to confusion and confidence crises. Adopting a quality process to self-reflect really is like being able to wave a magic wand and see the truth clearly.

A self-reflection model was one of the very first models I learnt as a corporate workshop facilitator and I’ve since become a massive fan. I've since seen how powerful this simple process can be in workplaces — particularly when people are dealing with feedback, change, high expectations or situations where confidence has taken a knock.

Self-reflection is a highly valuable tool because you can grow A LOT by assessing yourself, even before any outside feedback is offered. Then add outside feedback, and your path to growth is accelerated.

Here’s how the model works:

Wins:

List all the things that worked. People who have a strong critical inner voice struggle with this step. If that’s you, start at the bottom of the barrel and rise up: “I turned up/gave it a go”, “I remembered my own name”, “I survived it”. As you let the good things through, more will flow.

Learns:

List all the things that didn't work or were missing. Sometimes it’s the tiny details that can make the difference “I forgot my laptop power cord”, “my shoes were too tight”. Sometimes it’s the bigger stuff: “I didn’t allow enough time to prepare for the important meeting, so when I went in I was rushed and disorganised”.

The tool begins as a feedback-sorting system. At the Win and Learn stages, you collect both your own feedback and feedback from others. Sorting it into two groups gives your brain something manageable to work with and makes patterns easier to see. There's another benefit to putting it on paper: some of the problem can move out of your head and onto the page, giving you space to process the feedback rather than continuing to carry it around.

Changes:

You'll likely be in a similar situation again in the future. List how you'd do things differently next time. Then, highlight the one (or maybe two) things that you would change to make the biggest difference. Write it out again under Changes. If your one chosen Change requires a plan to implement, write that out or book a time to make the plan.

If you’re impatient, it’s tempting to write a big list of things to change next time. But what we’re talking about here is behaviour change and when modifying behaviour, the best results come from focusing on just one thing at a time.

HERE’S THE SQUEEZE

Not all feedback is of equal value.

You’ve got to find a way to sort and focus on the high-quality, game-changing feedback and trust that the other Wins and Learns will adjust in time. I once received feedback from a workshop that the participant didn’t like the brownies and I spent 0% of my resources acting on it. You will turn yourself inside-out trying to fix everything if you can’t be discerning.

I once had a “very big and important business leader” in my workshop who thought a talented person in his team was too big for his britches, so he’d give the kid a huge list of feedback to "bring him down". It wasn’t working out very well because despite the young man’s talents, he was buckling under the weight of all the feedback his boss was expecting him to implement. Through a conversation (and a bit of creative demonstration) the leader saw how he could transform the performance of his team member.

If you're a coach or leader, teach your people how to self-reflect. Developing self-awareness helps people become more coachable, more thoughtful and better problem solvers. It gives you a platform for an insightful conversation that leaves people feeling empowered and focused — and it helps create a healthier feedback culture.

Why bother developing this superpower?

Reflecting on yourself will a) build confidence b) avoid the constant need for praise and/or reassurance from others c) help you stay balanced when you get tough outside feedback handed to you d) give you clarity and direction.

This tool can be used in every area of your life. If you’d like to have a go using it but are not sure where to start, I suggest that at the end of every day for a week you reflect on your day.

And remember, be gentle when giving yourself feedback. If you find yourself with a really long Learns list, or a bulging Wins list, try creating some balance by adding to the list that's lacking. The process works best when it's balanced.

When is self-reflection most useful?

There are no set rules about when to self-reflect. The guidance I would offer, is to reflect when:

The stakes are high

There is a lot of newness to process

You're smarting from failure

You're feeling overwhelmed

You want clarity and focus

Confidence levels are low

If you'd like to explore how self-reflection, feedback and practical behaviour change could strengthen your team, get in touch. We can talk about what might be useful for your people.

Wishing you all the superpowers in the world.

Arohanui / with much love,