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  • Writer's pictureNaomi Kitchener

Beliefs and getting what you want

Hello hellooo!! This month’s conversation looks at beliefs and how they work for or against us. A quick look at what we'll be covering:

How do you like your soup?

And then she stepped in dog poo…

The just-so-happens (aka how the universe responds to our vibration)

You want honey? We’ll give you honey!

You are a dancer, not a boa constrictor

How to tell if a belief is holding you back

What you can do to change a limiting belief:

What is a belief exactly? I asked aunty google and she says a belief is “an acceptance that something exists or is true, especially one without proof.” Meaning: what we think to be true even without proof. It’s true, we don’t need proof to form a belief annnddd… life is littered with signs pointing to the existence of a belief.

Let’s explore with a story about the first time I met my client Fiona (Fiona’s story has been shared with permission, with a name change to maintain her privacy). A little background - I was at a retreat for mothers of children with disabilities. When caregivers give more than what’s sustainable and their tanks inevitably run on empty for too long, they become desperately tired, burnt out and unwell. Fiona is one of these mothers who went to the retreat to refill her tank.

There were two things that stood out to me. The first thing that happened was that Fiona shared she was doubting her right to be at the retreat. She’d connected with other mothers there and heard stories about children with different needs to her own. Have you ever wondered to yourself whether you have the right to be somewhere? Or feel like a fraud after you’ve compared your circumstance to others? Maybe it was a belief that caused Fiona this unease. I’ll share the second event in a moment, but first you might be asking “surely it doesn’t matter what I believe, isn’t it just my personal business?”. The short answer is: beliefs feed our actions.

How do you like your soup?

In the last two years and we’ve been asked to steer ourselves and our families through an obstacle course of events and decisions. As we reached beyond what we knew in our attempts to make sense of things there’s been a huge volume of information, misinformation and disinformation offered. This overload has birthed multiple conspiracy theories which some people have chosen to believe. We’re swimming in a soup of beliefs, bumping up against people who believe in carrots, others who believe in corn all the while thinking potato is the only ‘real’ ingredient. Our beliefs ‘flavour’ our behaviour in such different ways, which leads to the formation of yet more beliefs.

And then she stepped in dog poo…

Have you ever felt like the world is working against you? One minute you’re wondering “do I belong here?” and the next minute you step in dog poo and think “was that a sign that I don’t belong here”? Here’s the truth folks, the world is not working against you, it’s some of your beliefs that are working against you. Your beliefs cause a certain vibration and the world is responding to that vibration.

Are you ready to hear about the second thing that happened with Fiona? Her mother’s spirit, who’d passed over to the other side two years earlier, came through. She grabbed our attention by offering specifics only Fiona would’ve known and then proceeded to offer health advice and opinions about current family business. Fiona travelled through a variety of emotions and shed the tears of grief and healing. As Abraham Hicks would explain it, Fiona stopped focusing on the absence of her mother for long enough for the presence of her mother to come through. The world worked that day to meet Fiona’s needs by aligning all resources to return back to Fiona all that she put out. How do I know? I just follow the clues, otherwise known as the just-so-happens.

The just-so-happens (aka how the universe responds to our vibration)

The just-so-happens are a trail of seemingly coincidental events and circumstances. How did Fiona receive a healing interaction with her mother that day?

It just-so-happened that Fiona signed up to attend the retreat – she could have done something else that weekend.

It just-so-happened that the event organiser arranged for spa day treatments.

It just-so-happened that Fiona signed up for a massage (she could have chosen to get her nails done with the other lady there).

It just-so-happened that two days before the event, the massage therapist who was booked to attend went into Covid-19 isolation.

It just-so-happened that I was available that day and the energy felt in alignment for me to attend.

It just-so-happened that Fiona went for a walk along the beach before her massage and accidentally stood in dog poo.

It just-so-happened that the massage client scheduled before Fiona was a no-show.

It just-so-happened that when Fiona found an outside tap to wash her shoe it was near the spa room and she could see that I was available.

It just-so-happened that we started to chat and when I realised she was my next appointment I offered for her to hop onto the table early and enjoy a longer massage (if she wanted).

It just-so-happened that yes she wanted a longer massage please! (it wouldn’t have been possible for this scenario to have unfolded if we only had the 20 minutes allotted.)

It just-so-happened that Fiona chose to be open and vulnerable that day which allowed the conversation to flow in certain directions (it’s safe to say that like any person, Fiona’s openness and vulnerability fluctuates).

It just-so-happened that when a particular song played, Fiona wanted to stop chatting to be quiet and present to the song.

It just-so-happened that during that song, Fiona’s mother came through in spirit with some specific information and I picked up on that presence.

It just-so-happened that Fiona didn’t freak out (not everyone is comfortable with the idea of communicating with spirit).

It just-so-happened that the information Fiona’s mother provided allowed Fiona to instantly recognise that it really was her.

Do you get the picture? If any of these just-so-happens hadn’t happened, even stepping in dog poo, none of it would have happened. But it doesn’t end there noooo, because the just-so-happens feed into other just-so-happens.

It’s better to not get attached to how our wants are met because when we decide how we think it has to come to us, we become shut off to all the other ways it might flow easily. In the present, we’re just bouncing from moment to moment wondering where we’re supposed to be. It’s only when you can reflect back on what happened, that it’s possible to see how they were all connected. When looking back at all these just-so-happens, how could Fiona possibly think that she wasn’t supposed to be at the retreat? Looking back helps Fiona to reconsider her thoughts or belief about where she’s supposed to be. But wait, how’s all that connected to beliefs?

You want honey? We’ll give you honey!

Not long ago I decided I’d really like some honey in my cupboard. I didn’t give it too much thought, there was no reason for me to believe that I couldn’t have more honey in my life. Less than a week later, one of my clients gave me a beautiful jar of honey from her holiday travels. I was delighted - who knew that’s how the honey would come? But it was a little jar that I wanted to savour and I was reluctant to use it in the new recipes I wanted to try. So I let my desire for honey remain and within two weeks a friend spontaneously gave me an enormous jar of honey. It was like the universe said “you want honey? We’ll give you honey!”

You are a dancer, not a boa constrictor

You will only get what you want by allowing the dance of the just-so-happens to unfold in their own way. It’s not up to you to orchestrate all the circumstances in your life, you cannot get what you want in life by holding on tight and squeezing.

A better use of your effort is to focus on your vibration. If you want something but your beliefs are not in alignment, it’ll be more difficult to get what you want. That’s because you can only attract that with which you resonate. How can you keep your vibration ‘clean’? By keeping your beliefs in check. A belief is nothing more than a habitual thought. How is a habitual thought formed? By passively allowing or actively choosing to focus thoughts a particular way over and over and over and over...

How to tell if a belief is holding you back

  • You can’t seem to get what you want.

  • You’re stuck in a negative pattern of thoughts and/or behaviour.

  • You’re not able to access the internal resources e.g. courage to move towards what you want.

  • You don’t feel so good. For example: not everyone gets angry in heavy traffic.

What you can do to change a limiting belief: (remember, we’re trying to interrupt a habitual thought)

  • Decide how you want to feel in life generally. Do you want to feel miserable or do you want to feel good? The radical practice of feeling good unconditionally can spook out slippery limiting beliefs that are holding you back.

  • Distract the limiting thought. A limiting belief can present as a voice in your head - try talking to it directly. Such as “that’s an interesting way to look at it, but I’m going to choose to buy into something else” (then think specifically what the “something else” will be).

  • Give your thoughts some boundaries. The overthinking mind loves drama and if left unchecked will run around your head non-stop like a toddler on a sugar high. You are not that voice, you’re you. Question the voice telling you these things “is this really me talking?”. Or say to it “thanks for sharing, now I’m going to choose to think about something else” then choose a thought that’s healthy and uplifting to you.

  • Challenge the belief. Consider: “what if I’m wrong?” Beliefs can be built on ‘evidence’ we’ve collected that support the thought. The reality is, there is evidence to the contrary but you’re not seeing it. To crack open a belief, contemplate “I’m open to the possibility that I might be wrong about… (fill in the blank)”. Wait and see what comes up, then find some evidence in your life that contradicts the belief and write them down. How I challenged Fiona’s belief feeding her doubt by asking her to consider the possibility that the retreat was not about the children’s needs but that of the mothers.

  • Focus on the just-so-happens working in your favour. They are things you can look back on and give thanks for.

Fiona’s story illustrates how by going lightly when feeling uneasy and tending to healthy beliefs saw her needs being met in the most synchronous way. You can look for the signs pointing towards limiting beliefs and you can choose what you want to focus on as life unfolds before you. This is how life gives us what we need.


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