The CREEP and me: A breakup that made my life better

How a little phone creep taught me to take back my time, attention and ability to relax

I've recently been through a breakup, but it's not the kind you think it is. I've broken up with my phone due to phone creep.

Being the modern-day Swiss army knife, my phone became the multitool I couldn't do without. The space my phone took up in my life slowly increased (the creep) until HELLO! I was misusing it on a daily basis.

I assessed my relationship with my phone, googling "how to break up with your phone" and, funnily enough, there's a book with that exact title. Ha. How to break up with your phone by Catherine Price suggested I take a Smartphone compulsion test developed by Dr David Greenfield from the Centre for Internet and Technology Addiction.

It asked me questions like:

Do you sleep with your mobile or smartphone turned on under your pillow or next to your bed regularly?

and

When you eat meals, is your phone part of the table place setting?

and

Do you find yourself mindlessly passing time on a regular basis by staring at your mobile or smartphone?

I assessed my score on the scale, and the answer was both sobering and motivating. I was deep in the creep.

Not wanting to punish myself too much, I remembered my biology. We're wired to notice things, and our phones are exceptionally good at giving us things to notice. It's no wonder we're marvelling at the handiness of smartphones one minute and lamenting the trap of compulsion the next!

The main things that helped my breakup were:

• My phone never enters my bedroom, ever. At first, I thought it would be impossible to do this (which highlighted my level of attachment).

• I have embraced mono-tasking. No more folding washing while watching a YouTube video. No more listening to a podcast while walking.

• I keep my phone beyond arm's reach. It makes responding to a compulsion to check my phone less appealing.

• Whenever I'm home, I have a weekly digital sabbath, taking a complete break from my laptop and phone for 24 hours.

I have benefited in so many ways due to the breakup:

• I'm much more productive.

• I can connect with my feelings better.

• I feel happier.

• My mind is clearer.

• I can focus better.

• I feel less anxious.

• I can hear my thoughts more easily.

HERE'S THE SQUEEZE

I realised that I had become a poor relaxer. Whenever I needed a break, I would reach for my phone, thinking it was a nice escape from the work I was doing. What I'd accidentally done was embed compulsive overuse of something that didn't give me rest at all. No wonder I was feeling so strung out – apart from sleep, I was denying myself something I desperately needed: downtime.

It sounds silly, but the questions I asked myself were confronting:

What do I actually do when I rest?

Do I know how to be bored?

Can I tolerate a gap without filling it?

What do I reach for when I don't want to think?

And then I got even more specific:

How will I relax during my lunchbreak?

What can I do when I wake in the night and can't get back to sleep?

Now I'm more aware that nothing on a screen will recharge me as effectively as relaxing without a screen. After my first few wobbles resting screen-free, I rediscovered the bliss of lying on the couch (or my bed, or the ground) and savouring a decadent moment of unadulterated time, eyes closed or gazing into space.

Creep can come in many forms.

Creep happens when something gradually takes up more space in your life than you consciously chose to give it.

Worry or critical-thinking creep - occasional self-criticism or worry gradually becoming your habitual inner commentary.

Alcohol creep - when an occasional drink becomes the thing you need to relax.

Clutter creep - when the junk drawer has become a junk room.

Work creep - checking emails after hours, staying late most nights, not taking lunch breaks.

Spending creep - when you don't know where your money has gone, or you know exactly where it's gone and it's blown the budget.

My phone creep compulsions happened most when I was stopped at traffic lights, watching TV, and in the morning when I woke up. I still get compulsions to check my phone, but I'm learning not to cave to the feeling every time. The habit of keeping my phone out of arm's reach goes a long way in managing this.

What started as useful, enjoyable or harmless, but is quietly taking up more space than you intended to give it?

Maybe it's time for a boundary shift. Or perhaps even a breakup. Sometimes, a breakup is just what you need to feel better.

Arohanui /with much love,