The inconvenient truth about empowerment.

What if empowerment isn't something you need to find?

This topic is not a "ra-ra" speech. But it will give you some insight into the truth of empowerment and help you to identify whether you might need a little top-up. What you do going forward is entirely up to you ❤️

I've noticed that empowerment isn't something we tend to talk about directly with people who we think are lacking it. To do so would probably result in some kind of negative reaction. Just like we don't like being told to calm down, we also don't like to be told that we need to be more empowered.

EMPOWERMENT (meaning)

"authority or power given to someone to do something"

Here are some indicators that your sense of agency has taken a hit:

• You feel like a passive bystander in your own life.

• You find it hard to make decisions.

• You feel like things are beyond your reach.

• Your life, or an area of it, feels out of control.

• People regularly step over your boundaries.

• You don't speak up as much as you'd like.

Truth #1 - Disempowerment can compound

You can be standing on top of the world, then life comes along and kicks you in the teeth, guts and shins. It's like being in the ocean and being knocked down by wave after wave. A blow to your power can sting. It can leave you exhausted or, worse, jaded. The good news is, if this is you, the situation can change.

Truth #2 - Empowerment is an inside job

No amount of praise and adoration will give you true empowerment. Life can lead you to the oasis of authority and power, but it can't make you drink. Only you can decide to exercise the power you have to make change in your life. The question is, what will it take for you to make that decision?

Stop waiting for someone else to grant you permission to claim your own power. Picture a lion sitting on a rock. Is it sitting there, hoping another lion would come along and say "you have permission to be the king of the jungle"? No.

Repeat after me:

"I hereby announce that I am the authority of my life".

Your empowerment does have a touchpoint with the outside world: you can only exercise power over what you know. And one of the best ways to deepen what you know about yourself and the world you engage with is through curiosity and trying new things.

Truth #3 - Empowerment is something you can nurture

Here are some ways to exercise your agency:

• Nip disempowering habits in the bud, such as self-criticism and expectations of perfection.

• Clean up your language. Change "Have to" to "choose to". "Don't know how" to "exploring what will work". "Should" can trigger feelings of shame, which are unhelpful; instead, use "might" or "want to" or "will".

• Grant yourself permission. Consider yourself granted. Check: Am I willing to grant myself permission to claim my power?

• Stop comparing yourself to others.

• Expand your view of what's required to get the result you want. You may be underestimating what it will take compared to your current skill level.

  
  

Hint: Feeling powerless and being powerless aren't necessarily the same thing.

HERE'S THE SQUEEZE

The inconvenient truth is that you are always empowered. Our friend the lion and its power are inseparable. You and your power are also inseparable.

Stop asking “Am I empowered?” and start asking “Where am I directing my power?” Start by thinking about where you direct your focus.

Is it possible that you've been too busy thinking about all the moments you don't feel empowered, that those things have expanded to epic proportions? I get that there can be times when you feel like you don't have the power you wish you did. But focusing on that doesn't make the situation any better.

If you've ever taught a kid to throw a ball, you know it's essential to teach them to focus in the direction they want the ball to go. That's because power follows attention.

The best thing you can do is think about the area of your life where you feel most empowered at the moment, and think about it as often as you can. Say you're not feeling a great deal of power at work, but at home you really love to bake and it's something you've come to know you're really quite good at. Even when things go wrong, you're confident that you can either find a solution before it's too late, or just chalk it up to a learning experience. Think about baking more.

Feel appreciation for the power you feel in relation to the good area, bask in the good feelings. If you can, embellish and enhance the experience. Eventually, like a champagne waterfall, that feeling of empowerment in relation to that area of your life may spill over to the next most empowered part of your life, then the next and so on.

In the baking example, internal dialogue might sound like this: “I know I can bake, and baking requires attention to detail, anticipating outcomes and problem-solving. I can do all these things really well. Look at how far I've come. I'm sure I can translate this to other situations.”

In a journal, ask yourself the question "where am I directing my focus in my life?" then write the answers.

Try some thought work:

"I'm willing to be wrong about myself and the power that's available to me."

"I'm open to the possibility that there is power in me".

"I don't have to wait for (xyz) to happen, I can access my power now".

Imagine there is a person (real or fictitious) whose mere presence would make you feel more powerful. Who would it be? How would your power feel in their presence? What is it about that person that makes you feel more powerful, and how can you access some of that quality yourself?

The question isn't whether you have power. The question is where you're going to put it.

Mauri ora / behold the sneeze of life,