There's a fraction too much friction...

How a little friction can help you change the behaviours you want to change.

I was recently listening to an interview with a financial adviser whose services I used a long time ago, and I was reminded about one of their strategies:

"To slow down spending, you've got to add friction."

The idea is this: add friction to the behaviours you want less of. Remove friction from behaviours you want more of. Because humans loooove to conserve energy and do so naturally, friction can be used as a tool to purposely shape our behaviour.

In this case, friction was added by placing a barrier between my money and my cashflow card. I disconnected my cashflow card from the bank account my pay was deposited into. Instead, I'd automatically pay an amount for common household expenses to my cashflow card account. For less regular purchases such as clothing or haircuts, I'd have to inconvenience myself by making a special bank transfer into said cashflow card account. The friction prevented me from spending all my money on the fly, and the inconvenience created time to think before making special purchases.

Identify places where you can use friction

Imagine there's a complaints department you can call up about allllll the things that bother you. What are you currently complaining about that might actually be a friction problem?

My commute to work is long and unproductive.

I can't stop biting my nails.

My boss never has time to meet with me.

Getting ready for work in the morning is always a stressful rush.

There are lots of everyday ways you can use friction to influence your behaviour:

•  Switch from driving to the train. Or get a powerpack to power your device so you can work.

• Paint bad-tasting stuff on fingernails to deter nail-biting.

• Find the channel your boss actually responds to. "Meet" with them there.

• Pick out tomorrow's outfit to avoid morning wardrobe drama.

Friction isn't inherently good or bad. It's a behavioural lever.

Here are some fun ideas to use friction in your favour.

Reduce impulsive phone overuse

Keep your phone out of arm's reach. The barrier of having to get out of your seat or go to the next room might be more energy than it's worth to respond to impulsive phone checking. But as soon as it rings, you'll have no problem crossing that distance to answer it.

Certain apps

Apps like Pushscroll, PushUp Time, and SweatPass add friction by making you do exercises to "buy" time on social media. You can get fit and use social media less! Maybe you use certain apps at inappropriate times, such as work apps when you've committed to logging off for the day. If this is you, MOVE IT to another folder. The effort it takes you to remember where it is will make you aware of what you're doing, giving you the power back to choose to do something different. Be warned, though: your brain adapts. The friction won't feel as noticeable forever, so use this trick wisely!

Careful timing of mind-calming practices

Breathing, meditating or journaling are health-enhancing yet starting and maintaining the habit can be elusive. I found that in the morning I'd get distracted by other things like my cat nagging me to a) open the cat door b) serve her breakfast. There was just too much friction in the morning. But in the evening, I could attend to end-of-the-day demands and settle for some quiet time to myself. It wasn't what but when that influenced how much friction I encountered.

Rethink how you interact with technology

When visiting Uncle last year, I was amused to discover that he keeps his bathroom scales in the dining room. In the bathroom, you can weigh yourself in your undies and keep the number a secret. But in the dining room? It's a much shorter distance between the number and your dinner plate. If you want to, you can still weigh yourself in your undies in the dining room.

Leave your gear everywhere.

There is some gear I use all. the. time. I need chargers for devices, and frequently applied sunscreen in summer. Instead of carting these things with me everywhere I go and risking the consequences if I forget, I have multiples all over the place. Sunscreen in the glovebox of my car. Chargers at work, home and my car. And I use them ALL. I removed the friction of distance from things I use all the time, and I get sunburnt a lot less because the cover I need is always within reach.

It doesn't have to be all or nothing.

You'll find that adding or removing just enough friction will tip the scales in the direction of the behaviour you want. You can start with a little friction and add until it feels right. You'll know pretty quickly if the friction you've added is working. Too much friction can backfire, so take your time and slowly increase the friction.

One thing that hasn't worked for me lately is that nobody in my household is home to make dinner by a reasonable time on a Monday. Dinner disorganisation on a Friday I can handle, but it doesn't work for me to start the week this way. So I've delegated cooking dinner to the slow cooker.

HERE'S THE SQUEEZE

Don't blame yourself, adjust the friction. Your points of friction are ever-changing, and that's normal. Don't get complacent. Tweak things along the way, and you'll continue to discover new ways to embed good habits. When you find something not working the way you want it to, increase or decrease the friction points.

Behaviour change gets easier when you stop relying on willpower and start designing the conditions around the behaviour.

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Arohanui / with much love,

Published by Naomi Kitchener 22 August 2026