Are you feeling overwhelmed? Here’s the way forward.

I have studied and worked full-time more than once - what can I say? I'm a glutton for punishment. And everything I've plumbed the depths of overwhelm. Overwhelm from the quantity of study required - and all the components of my life moving, jostling and squeezing together.

Overwhelm can be a very specific yet vague feeling of doom. It happens when the load on you is more than you can manage. When you’re feeling overwhelmed, you can experience:

• Crying / tears.

• Anger, frustration, tantrums.

• Impatience / feeling trapped.

• Unreasonableness / moodiness.

• Stubbornness.

• A desire to pretend like everything is fine.

• Emotions are heightened and quicker to surface than usual.

For me, I wasn't feeling overwhelmed all the time. It was like my “bandwidth” was closer to capacity than usual, so that when something unexpected happened that demanded my attention, it was more probable that I would feel overwhelmed.

When overwhelm is biting, your nervous system is in fight/flight. That means your body is ready for physical action to respond to the perceived threat. Your ability to think rationally is greatly diminished because your resources have been sent elsewhere. Cue the panic!

What to do when you’re feeling overwhelmed

One of the main goals during overwhelm is to interrupt the fight/flight response so that you can gain your clear cognitive thinking back:

• Remind yourself that the current situation will not, and cannot, last forever. This moment is temporary.

• Focus on the stability of the moment. Notice the solid surface under your feet, the stable items in the space around you. Choose to take some steady breaths.

• Give your emotions a healthy outlet. If you don’t have time to stop and cry, multitask. Alternatively, if you’ve been resisting overwhelm, it might take a little sitting still to connect with yourself enough to feel your feelings.

• Hold your head.  Holding the front and back of the head for 3-5 minutes encourages blood and energy to flow more evenly.

• Get physical. Being in a state of stress produces the hormone cortisol. Physical activity lets you release that cortisol out of your system through sweat.

• Change your location in space. Change of space = change of mind. Go from sitting to standing. Move rooms. Indoors to outdoors. A place alone to a place with people.

  
  

If things are dire, respond to the emergency. If your house was burning, you would call for the fire brigade. There comes a point when you need to stop trying to DIY. If you’re not sure whether things are “bad enough” yet, call Lifeline on NZ 0800 543 354 and tell them you’re feeling overwhelmed.

Once the immediate need has been met, you’ll want to look at the bigger picture of what is causing the overwhelm.

• Change something. Your storm of overwhelm was created from the recipe you've used so far.  To change the future result, you need to make some kind of change.

• Cut yourself some slack. Giving yourself a mental thrashing does not help.  

• Drop your expectations. Holding on to the way you think things are supposed to be is contributing to the overwhelm.

• Pare things back. If things have become a bit “too much”, doing it all is clearly not working out for you right now. Take a step back and consider what you can drop.

• Get support to make decisions and/or build a plan. Especially if it’s a big decision you’re making, there are sources of information (possibly even free professional guidance) to help you.

I know overwhelm and work is a tricky mix

Many people won’t share at work how they’re feeling, as it can negatively impact how managers review performance. Some things to know:

• Your workplace has a duty of care to support staff well-being.

• For people experiencing “event-related” overwhelm, such as going through a divorce, it’s best to inform your manager before the overwhelm gets worse.

• Your employer is trying to balance stimulating work to keep you interested without it overwhelming you. If you’re taking on a new role or project that’s going to stretch you, expect to be overwhelmed at times. From the start, build into your plan how you’ll make it normal to discuss this with your manager. Choose language that is empowering like “we’ve chosen this project because we know it’s going to stretch me, so during our catch-ups I want to give you my resilience rating.” A self-rating score out of 10 based on how resilient you’re feeling at the moment will give them a sense of where you’re at will inform their management of you to help you achieve a successful result.

• Managers are like a resource centre. They might have the ability to give you more flexibility around your work hours, location or give you access to services such as EAP. Expect your manager to ask you how they can support you.

• If everything turns to custard, remember that your ability to reflect on what happened and learn from that is powerful and shows others that you are adaptable. Even if things completely fall apart, the pathway to professional redemption is to show them that you see where things went wrong and what you’ll do differently next time, starting now.

When I have responded to my own overwhelm and made some hard calls, it gave me more rest and time to complete things. As a result, I rallied like a champion when the surprise “issue” presented itself. Winning!

HERE’S THE SQUEEZE

Overwhelm has a gift to offer.   Being overwhelmed forces you to surrender what it is you’re holding on to too tightly: The heavy burden you’re carrying. The thing that’s limiting you.

Like the shedding of a skin you’ve outgrown, overwhelm can be a process of casting away the things that don’t fit anymore.

Surrendering is saying “I accept that little me cannot control everything”.

And when you surrender, something else enters. Wise guidance. Peace. Stillness.

If you’re stuck in a pattern of overwhelm and need some coaching around that, come and visit me at The Lomi Room. I’m here and ready to support you.

Arohanui / with much love,