HELP: We can give it, but can we take it?

When someone asks you for help, what do you usually say? Most people would say YES because they're good, and as a good person, you wouldn't mind giving someone a helping hand. In fact, you probably feel good when you have the opportunity to do something for someone. There are even statistics that show how volunteering (helping others for free) is good for your health.

So then, why do we drag our heels when it comes to asking for help for ourselves? Gulp…. I’ve been asking this question quite a bit lately, and the answer is usually “not that good”. How easy do you make it for other people to help you? Do you have to be under duress before you buckle? Why. Do. We. Do. That?

Not asking for help means you won’t be let down.

Not asking for help means you won’t face rejection or be told “no”.

There are so many reasons why you wouldn’t want to send out the call for help.  

But not asking for help limits you to the power of only one person (you) which means only one brain to think of ideas and solve problems.

Being willing to help others but not willing to ask for help for yourself keeps you isolated in a bubble of one. If you don’t let others help you, others will be less likely to ask you for help. And I don’t think you’re that kind of person. You’re the kind of person who wants to help others. So please….get the can opener, open yourself up and let others in!

Asking for help requires that we be vulnerable.

Asking for help demands that you relinquish some control.

Asking for help requires that you trust.

At first, it’s not about the thing you’re being helped with, it’s about developing your Asking-For-Help muscle. Just like learning to swim, don’t jump in the deep end straight away.

You develop your Asking-For-Help Muscle by asking for help on behalf of others. It's like being a help broker. It could be a situation where you're helping someone else, but you rope someone else in to also help. You can say all the things you’d probably say for yourself, but it won’t be as awkward when you ask for others. Notice how you don’t give excuses or apologise when asking on behalf of others.

Once you've dusted off your Asking-For-Help Muscle, it's time to then ask for help for yourself.

Ask for help with things where the result isn’t high-stakes.

Ask for help with things where you won’t mind if your image takes a little dent as a result.

Ask for help when you have time to fix things if they get botched or you get let down.

And what I've learned from a beautiful friend of mine who seems to effortlessly attract the help he needs - let others help you the way they want to and feel most comfortable.  

If you need help with something big and important

a) ask for help early

b) ask multiple people

c) have a plan b if things get messy.

Don't take it personally if people reject your invitation to help. This world is a chaotic place and we have no idea what's going on in other people's lives.

Here's the reward of asking for help:

It gives you insight into who "your people" are, and those who you might resonate less with.

Asking for help is a demonstration of knowing your own limitations.

It builds deeper relationships.

It deepens others' trust in you - even if they didn't end up helping!

It connects you to the help you need.

The next time you find yourself overwhelmed or feeling lonely or just plain needing some help, consider asking for it. After all, everyone deserves some support every now and then.

Arohanui / much love to you,