Warning: This article contains trigger words.
Have you ever felt uneasy over the use of a word?
Because they have usually come from a traumatic or highly emotive time, trigger words are personal and powerful. Words can hurt. I have a trigger word, that word is WITCH. Why I'd get jittery around "witch" when "performance review" and "God" and "cunt" is just fine, I don't know. Is it a coincidence that the work I do can appear to others as rather witchy, my upbringing was in a Christian Baptist household, and my ancestors are all from Europe and lived through the witch trials?
If you think you're immune to words, think to a time when:
The person you were dating said "we need to talk" or
Your dentist said "that doesn't look good" while looking in your mouth or
Your parent said "I'm not happy about xyz" or
You received the news that someone you love had died.
We are primally wired to avoid "bad" at all costs. It's what has helped the human species survive so long. Unfortunately for me, my primal wiring has plugged "witch" into my system, giving me a shock with every use..
I think about other taboo words that I dare not mention, and the rappers who embrace them. Is it possible to break the spell over a word and truly, wholly own and embrace it? I wanted to find out for myself.
Trying to push the process is like trying to flow faster than the river.
I started by joining some social media groups hoping to find sources of information, but it left me feeling disappointed and dissatisfied. It felt like I was groping in the dark until one evening watching a never-ending series on Netflix (you know the type). One of the themes included medieval witches and in my boredom, I googled "when exactly were the witch hunts in Europe?". Like the clang of a prison gate opening and closing, the information landed:
I wasn't expecting the jolt of realisation that followed. As a New Zealand European residing in a colonised country, I realised how colonising Europeans could be closed-hearted and do what they did. They did it to themselves first.
I would like to say that following this realisation was a flurry of activity, instead I marinated. I reflected on my own familial trauma and pondered how many generations it had been handed down. My compassion grew but my reaction to the word remained. This process wasn't going to go any faster than the pace of natural unfolding.
Breaking a spell requires enlightenment
I challenged my understanding and that required more information. My head vibrated as the prison door continued to clang:
The word witch has a long history that includes origins from other words. The pivotal point at which the word witch was grafted to the idea of evil, happened when the Church legitimised fictitious texts and nurtured the idea that there were witches who performed witchcraft who needed to be taken action against.
No witches were killed because there were no witches. They were just women.
There was also no hysteria. The trial and punishment of "witches" was a breathtakingly mundane task performed much like someone would be tried and punished for a crime such as theft or murder. Witch trials weren't all held in a court of law or estate of the crown. Townsfolk were often given authority to conduct their own trial - a kangaroo court of sorts.
The people who confessed to witchcraft did so after cruel and painful torture. We know now, that confessions taken under these circumstances are worthless.
The thing that I needed to know was that if witches were either men or women back then, why were so many more women murdered?
Again, the prison gates clanged and this time it was with the realisation that the torture and murder of these women during the witch trials was unbridled misogyny. My ignorance buckled and rage burst through. This is partly why sexism and misogyny exists today.
Separating the feminism from the breaking of this spell would be like asking me to remove and rearrange my chromosomes. No wonder the word affects me so deeply.
Then the way forward opened up in front of me and it was beautiful. I allowed myself to privately play with common "acceptable" Christian events, viewing them through the lens of the witch trials.
Moses called on the spirits to control the natural elements leading to the Red Sea parting. If Moses lived between 1542-1951 he could have been tried as a witch.
(Mother) Mary falling pregnant in such mysterious circumstances would have been considered proof that she had slept with the devil himself. Sheesh.
Jesus performed alchemy, turning water into wine and this type of conjuring during the witch trials would have led to death, assuming his accusers could get over the idea of executing a man.
It put into perspective that the European witch hunts were misguided and biased. I moved my focus to see how our modern everyday activities could be viewed through the lens of witchcraft.
Do you ever do these things?
Enjoy rituals: such as the All Blacks performing a haka before a game.
Cast spells: say "abracadabra" or curse someone's name (helloooo road rage)
Make magic: a wish before blowing out candles on a birthday cake or using a lucky t-shirt.
Brew potions: when was the last time you enjoyed a coffee or beer?
When we put it this way, do you see our prejudice against women? You never would have considered the All Blacks witches, would you? Yet here they are, performing cultural rituals on the regular. Why then, are women questioned every time they do something mysterious? It's time for the hatred to stop, including hating the word WITCH.
The door to my cage is unclosable because the bars have turned to ash
Forgiveness and apologies. I forgive myself for allowing misguided thinking about witches for so long. I forgive people still under the spell of misunderstanding, acting out a pathology the Europeans have carried for centuries. The apologies being offered in Europe's communities and courts of law to those accused, tortured and murdered reminds me that it's never too late to do the right thing.
I let my heart soften in the sweet moments. There is a special sweetness that I feel in The Lomi Room when I'm with a female client, pillow nestled under her head and blanket carefully tucked around her feet. It's the warm glow of sisterly love which exists despite our patriarchal society. I wonder to myself "how I can expand this love?"
"Shame hates having words wrapped around it—it can't survive being shared" Brene Brown
I strengthen my resolve to allow others to see how I "cast spells", the "rituals" I undertake, the "magic" that lights up my life. I will unapologetically speak up for myself when wronged.
I care less about those people who misunderstand me or fail to see the good in me. There will always be some, they're not my people.
Since the beginning of The Lomi Room I've been happy to answer specific questions about what I do. Now, I'm taking a step up and sharing more openly. If you'd like access to an exclusive view of what makes The Lomi Room magic, contact me and ask to join The Squeeze. This week I'm sharing a fun and informative tour of some of the hiding-in-plain-sight elements.
If WITCH is a word that locks you up, please contact me asking for a list of the resources I've found helpful. I haven't arrived anywhere yet, but I really appreciated certain podcasts and books that offered pragmatic information.
The twist in this story is that just like the rappers who inspired me, what it took to embrace and love witch was a willingness to explore the darkness. If you have a word that rattles your cage, it's worth grasping the bars and letting the door clang open and closed. Just like a spell, no word can have power over you if you choose it.
May you dance in the freedom of words unbound by prejudice.
Alohanui loa / much love to you,
P.S. If you want to work with me in-person, there are two ways to do that: 1-1 appointments and group workshops designed around workplace wellbeing. To discuss how I can support your journey of development and wellness contact me.
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